i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
