No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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