Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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