Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
