I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
