grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
