For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
