Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
