Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
