The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
where are you?
Hypothermia
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
