if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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