I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
