and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
jump out the window naked night went bad
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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