i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
