Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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