a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
