she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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