return my video game
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
