Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
