I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
