my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
