i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
