well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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