I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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