Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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