i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
is it fun? or sober?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
