do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
