Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
