I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
