never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
