Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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