I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I could fuck to npr.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
