I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
