Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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