I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
