She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
