Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
