there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
