Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
