Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
