This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
