omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
