dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
