My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
