I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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