yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
