I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
