He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
