I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
