Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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