TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
