I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
