after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
