Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's blow job season.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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