Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
