i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
