Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
