He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
